Yes, we do need a Jesus candidate…

January 6, 2012

Rick Santorum, sexually obsessed moral arbiter of the nation, says that Americans need a Jesus candidate.  Stangely enough, I agree with him. Rather than a Republican such as Rick, America needs a bead-rock socialist like Jesus.

For instance, regarding fundamental happiness it’s written in the New Testament that Jesus replied to a man who asked how he might get to heaven:

“One thing you lack, Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me.” 

Try telling that to Eric Cantor or Randian, Paul Ryan. The mere mention of wealth re-distribution has them pounding tables in country clubs.

When the rich guy walked off disappointed jingling the gold in his purse, Jesus observed, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” —the rich …or a corporate person.

This was obviously an idea so off the wall to many following him (so off the wall it would be close to impossible for Speaker of the House,John Boehner, to grasp) that the Lord was moved to continue,

“Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God!  It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Which, to all Republican presidential candidates, is a very class-warfare-sounding declaration that’s like something you might expect from congress’ lone socialist, Bernie Sanders.

But such stuff was typical of Jesus, who definelty was not a corporate person. The left-leaning Nazarene railed against the policies of Republicans of his day, the ruling elite. He warned them:

“Depart from me you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.”

And notice how brazenly socialistic Jesus was. According to the right’s own holy writ their lord went around using the term “gave” almost as if he thought the poor were owed an entitlement; as if the rich were somehow responsible to take care of those they’d left in the dust.

The sheer embarrassment of it; here’s Jesus, Michelle Bachmann’s professed Lord and mentor, sounding like a socialist.  This is clearly not Donald Trump speaking, nor Ron Paul (who suggested during an early debate that a sick guy without health insurance should just be left to die —to the cheers of his GOP audience, incidentally). If Jesus had lived to a ripe old age, what then?  If he’d not been murdered at such a young age by the same social class that Republicans now represent with such fury what other scandals would the gospels be dishing —the legalization of same sex marriage? Jesus clearly had to go.

But how can their Jesus be reconciled with their politics?  No problem. As we’ve come to realize over the past 10 years or so, Republicans are the greatest, most effective, liars and hypocrites the world has ever known. They’ve learned from centuries of tutelege at the feet of masters how to deflect or spin a lie so that it comes out sounding like gospel. It might even have been a 1st century Rick Santorum who replied to Jesus’ admonition —one of those who, dumfounded and offended, whined:

“Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

But Jesus, being no Democrat wuss shot back matter-of-factly, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.”

Shocking— the lord of not just Koch Industries, but of the entire universe, equating himself with the least among us —a hard pill to swallow for the Party of No-To-You-Yes-To-Me!

by Jim Culleny


4 Responses to “Yes, we do need a Jesus candidate…”

  1. george anderson Says:

    so very well said,jim. i must make copies, or just forward to friends, family, and republicans. george

  2. David Says:

    Jim: Never thought I’d see the day when you would quote Jesus so much. Must be you have decided to follow his Kingdom. Of course He was not a socialist as you mention – He also said, “My Kingdom is not of this world.” Dem’s, Repub’s, Socialites, and Independ’s can all find something in Jesus that leans toward their views. It’s easy to “quote the Bible when you want it to say what you want it to say.” I remember a great friend saying that not too long ago. Jesus was more than a “socialist.” Socialism falls so far short of Jesus. So does Democracy and any other political science worldview. They can all pick and choose what parts of Jesus teachings they want to accept or reject. But a true follower of Jesus accepts Him and all He says of Himself as well as what He taught. I commend your quotes on Jesus, the truth of what Jesus taught and your comments of Him (not the politics besides) and they are all things that all Christians should be living out. “A Jesus Candidate -” its coming in the near future. He said, “Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.” What a day that will be.

  3. jimculleny Says:

    Dave– But of course Jesus was a socialist. He was definitely not a “free” market capitalist.

  4. David Says:

    God said in the book of Psalms: Psa 50:12 “If I were hungry, I would not tell thee: for the world is mine, and the fulness thereof.”
    Through the Prophet Haggai he said; “Hag 2:8 The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the LORD of hosts.”
    And through Moses he declared: “Deu 8:18 But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth,…”
    And finally dozens of times in the scriptures He warns the wealthy to not forget the poor. Such verses as: “Pro 21:13 Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard. ”
    God is not against the wealthy – he gives people power to get wealth. He is against the wealthy who do not consider the poor. Be they among the Corporations or the socialites if the Buffet and Soros manipulators. No sir – Jesus was not a socialist.

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